September 2009
101 posts
28 Days Without Booze and Bread: Day 1 →
Sep 29th
11 notes
Carrie Fisher Blogs! →
Sep 29th
12 notes
I guess Mike Huckabee is back to digging his grave with a fork and knife. #republicans #morons
Sep 29th
1 note
Sofa king in love with my kids. #cliche #boringmommyshit #twinfants
Sep 29th
2 notes
Glycolic acid, I’ve missed you so hard. Let’s never part again. #operationfuckhot
Sep 29th
2 notes
Pretty sure we just bought a magical scale. I’m supposedly 15 pounds thinner than I was before I got pregnant. #dreamscometrue #fuckyes
Sep 26th
Anyone know of any good comedy rooms going on in Minneapolis/TwinCities area? Know any MN based coomedians? Visiting in Oct #standupcomedy
Sep 26th
1 note
Seriously, these kids are on the same poop schedule. #twinsense #twinfants
Sep 26th
1 note
Penelope, utterly disgusted by my incompetence, grabbed a pacifier and placed it in her mouth. #twinfants #thisiswhatilivefor
Sep 26th
Posted ad for babysitter. Now receiving headshots. Professional headshots. #justshowmeyourCPRcertification #gross #subtlety
Sep 26th
MIDWESTERN SEX FIENDS! →
Sep 24th
Anxiety meds are working but now my house isn’t as clean. #housewifery #tradeoffs #anxiety #ineedafuckingmaid
Sep 24th
BOSTON! October 4th! 9 PM! Improv Boston! OKAY! →
Sep 23rd
Deathiest Emmys ever. I don’t even know if this song is long enough. #emmys
Sep 21st
Holy shit, everyone died this year. #emmys
Sep 21st
YES! RT @4manspeak:Like a Lear Jet engine?! #correct #wahi #shutup #gentrification
Sep 20th
I need to locate a white noise machine worthy of a Dominican neighborhood. #wahi #wtf #shutup #immacutyou
Sep 20th
Nervous Excitement is for Winners →
Sep 19th
WHY for the love of GOD do these people buzz my apt when they’re going to see someone else?!?!?! #wahi #dominicans
Sep 17th
SHIT….boy child’s eys just snapped open. He is looking at me with contempt. The eyes of doom loom large. #twinfants
Sep 17th
The kid is looking at me like “you may have got me this time, but you will pay. Oh, yes, you will pay.” He repeats his lines. #twinfants
Sep 17th
YES! RT @John_McB: Hey boy child, I’m happy for you and imma let you finish but the girl childs eyes of doom loom the largest of all time.
Sep 17th
Not quite noon and I’m two Ativans in. #twinfants
Sep 17th
Twins are unnatural and the devil’s work. #twinfants #psychosis
Sep 17th
Girl, I’m happy for you and imma let you finish, but the boy needs to burp the greatest burp of all time. #kanye #twinfants
Sep 17th
Fuck yes. Today is NapFest2009. I gotta get better about reading their sleep cues. #twinfants #willnotstagekidnapping
Sep 17th
You know what was fun? Disposable income. #nyc #facestabbing
Sep 17th
Only got 1 hour out of girlchild, Weissbluth would approve. Boychild still asleep. If only I could pit them against each other for my love.
Sep 17th
Another fav: http://bit.ly/13zqBd
Sep 16th
Kanyegate meme…this is my fav: http://bit.ly/4riteT
Sep 16th
It’s beer ‘o clock. #twinfants #godhelpme
Sep 15th
Wait, was that right…did Russell Brand just say he wanted to roofie and rape Megan Fox?#vmas
Sep 15th
What the fuck is Megan Fox wearing? Jodhpur-shorts? Black adult diapers? Either way, watch out for Russell Brand. #vmas
Sep 15th
Seriously, I need less Russell Brand in my life. #morons #notfunny
Sep 15th
Billy Joe has 2 kids and is 37 years old. #justsayin
Sep 15th
Oh, great it’s that song I hear blaring in my neighborhood EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE.
Sep 15th
I just want to revisit how HILARIOUS it was when Russell Brand was all I WANT TO DRUG AND RAPE MEGAN FOX. #amirite #morons #wtf #feminism
Sep 15th
I do not understand the appeal of Kristin Stewart. Stiff, can’t act, boring. #vmas
Sep 15th
Via @pmsgeishaRT: @algonquinrt: DOES NO ONE OWN FUCKING PANTS??? #VMAs
Sep 15th
Beyonce’s thighs. That is all. #vmas
Sep 15th
I could really go for some heavy narcotics just about now. #twinfants #nightnight #shootmeintheface
Sep 15th
Sean Puffy Puff Daddy Combs looks like he has halitosis. Maybe it’s his vehement mouth-breathing.#vmas
Sep 15th
Gossip Girl! #imchuckbass #reasonstolive
Sep 15th
Since when did Chuck Bass shop at Brooks Brothers? #gossipgirl #imchuckbass
Sep 15th
Awwww…where are Nate’s highlights? He’s nigh unrecognizable. #gossipgirl
Sep 15th
Serena’s breasts are back this season! #gossipgirl #hertitsdontmove
Sep 15th
Entered to win a Bumbleride Indie Twin stroller @TheShoppingMama : http://bit.ly/KML8F #ineverwinanything #pleasegod #icanhas
Sep 15th
RT@billsaez U know the scene in Raiders w the gold idol & sand bag? Putting down a sleeping infant is like that only boulder’s less scary.
Sep 13th
Probability of a face stabbing at a record high. #twinfants #maritalbliss #someonesgonnagetcut
Sep 13th
I got a 2 hour nap this morning while the babies stayed wide eyed awake and cracked out for their daddy. Bwahaha! #twinfants #nostabbing
Sep 13th