September 2009
101 posts
28 Days Without Booze and Bread: Day 1 →
Carrie Fisher Blogs! →
I guess Mike Huckabee is back to digging his grave with a fork and knife. #republicans #morons
Sofa king in love with my kids. #cliche #boringmommyshit #twinfants
Glycolic acid, I’ve missed you so hard. Let’s never part again. #operationfuckhot
Pretty sure we just bought a magical scale. I’m supposedly 15 pounds thinner than I was before I got pregnant. #dreamscometrue #fuckyes
Anyone know of any good comedy rooms going on in Minneapolis/TwinCities area? Know any MN based coomedians? Visiting in Oct #standupcomedy
Seriously, these kids are on the same poop schedule. #twinsense #twinfants
Penelope, utterly disgusted by my incompetence, grabbed a pacifier and placed it in her mouth. #twinfants #thisiswhatilivefor
Posted ad for babysitter. Now receiving headshots. Professional headshots. #justshowmeyourCPRcertification #gross #subtlety
MIDWESTERN SEX FIENDS! →
Anxiety meds are working but now my house isn’t as clean. #housewifery #tradeoffs #anxiety #ineedafuckingmaid
BOSTON! October 4th! 9 PM! Improv Boston! OKAY! →
Deathiest Emmys ever. I don’t even know if this song is long enough. #emmys
Holy shit, everyone died this year. #emmys
YES! RT @4manspeak:Like a Lear Jet engine?! #correct #wahi #shutup #gentrification
I need to locate a white noise machine worthy of a Dominican neighborhood. #wahi #wtf #shutup #immacutyou
Nervous Excitement is for Winners →
WHY for the love of GOD do these people buzz my apt when they’re going to see someone else?!?!?! #wahi #dominicans
SHIT….boy child’s eys just snapped open. He is looking at me with contempt. The eyes of doom loom large. #twinfants
The kid is looking at me like “you may have got me this time, but you will pay. Oh, yes, you will pay.” He repeats his lines. #twinfants
YES! RT @John_McB: Hey boy child, I’m happy for you and imma let you finish but the girl childs eyes of doom loom the largest of all time.
Not quite noon and I’m two Ativans in. #twinfants
Twins are unnatural and the devil’s work. #twinfants #psychosis
Girl, I’m happy for you and imma let you finish, but the boy needs to burp the greatest burp of all time. #kanye #twinfants
Fuck yes. Today is NapFest2009. I gotta get better about reading their sleep cues. #twinfants #willnotstagekidnapping
You know what was fun? Disposable income. #nyc #facestabbing
Only got 1 hour out of girlchild, Weissbluth would approve. Boychild still asleep. If only I could pit them against each other for my love.
Another fav: http://bit.ly/13zqBd
Kanyegate meme…this is my fav: http://bit.ly/4riteT
It’s beer ‘o clock. #twinfants #godhelpme
Wait, was that right…did Russell Brand just say he wanted to roofie and rape Megan Fox?#vmas
What the fuck is Megan Fox wearing? Jodhpur-shorts? Black adult diapers? Either way, watch out for Russell Brand. #vmas
Seriously, I need less Russell Brand in my life. #morons #notfunny
Billy Joe has 2 kids and is 37 years old. #justsayin
Oh, great it’s that song I hear blaring in my neighborhood EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just want to revisit how HILARIOUS it was when Russell Brand was all I WANT TO DRUG AND RAPE MEGAN FOX. #amirite #morons #wtf #feminism
I do not understand the appeal of Kristin Stewart. Stiff, can’t act, boring. #vmas
Via @pmsgeishaRT: @algonquinrt: DOES NO ONE OWN FUCKING PANTS??? #VMAs
Beyonce’s thighs. That is all. #vmas
I could really go for some heavy narcotics just about now. #twinfants #nightnight #shootmeintheface
Sean Puffy Puff Daddy Combs looks like he has halitosis. Maybe it’s his vehement mouth-breathing.#vmas
Gossip Girl! #imchuckbass #reasonstolive
Since when did Chuck Bass shop at Brooks Brothers? #gossipgirl #imchuckbass
Awwww…where are Nate’s highlights? He’s nigh unrecognizable. #gossipgirl
Serena’s breasts are back this season! #gossipgirl #hertitsdontmove
Entered to win a Bumbleride Indie Twin stroller @TheShoppingMama : http://bit.ly/KML8F #ineverwinanything #pleasegod #icanhas
RT@billsaez U know the scene in Raiders w the gold idol & sand bag? Putting down a sleeping infant is like that only boulder’s less scary.
Probability of a face stabbing at a record high. #twinfants #maritalbliss #someonesgonnagetcut
I got a 2 hour nap this morning while the babies stayed wide eyed awake and cracked out for their daddy. Bwahaha! #twinfants #nostabbing